Everyone expresses their opinion on some topic every single day. Some of these opinions, however, are vague, unclear and unsupported. Those that are expressed politely, if somewhat firmly, and with the reasoning given for that opinion are easier to understand and respect. Children can be taught the skill of effective opinion-making while at the same time developing their vocabulary and their critical thinking skills.
As adults, we share our opinions every day, from the weather to what we want for dinner, to which government initiatives we agree with and those we most definitely don’t. Children have opinions too, some of which are expressed very firmly! “ I hate broccoli!”.
Difficulty Sharing Opinions
They don’t need any help in expressing their views on topics they feel strongly about, no help at all! But what about times when they have difficulty sharing their feelings and their opinions on topics such as, why they don’t want to go to school today? Why do they refuse to eat grapes for lunch? Why do they want Jack to come to their birthday, but not their cousin, Teddy? Their response might be, “I don’t know, I just don’t.” We, as parents, are stumped.
Why Opinion Making is Important
How do we proceed? For the children, it is often just a matter of wanting to set their own limits and control what is happening to them. At other times, there is a genuine, logical reason. We might not agree with the reason, but we can certainly understand the logic behind it. Hearing the reason often gives us a better perspective of the child’s view and makes it easier to reach a harmonious conclusion. Consider this conversation, I don’t want oranges in my lunch. I don’t like oranges.
But you used to like oranges. Why don’t you want oranges now?
I don’t know. I just don’t.
See if you can tell me what’s wrong with having oranges.
They’re yucky!
Why do you think they are yucky!
Well, they’re messy. They squirt juice everywhere, all over my hands, on my face and my clothes. And I have to go and wash my hands again!
This response was supported by reasons we can understand. Now we can try to find a solution to the sticky fruit problem!
Would it help if I cut up the orange so you didn’t have to peel it? Or what if I gave you a little package of wipes to clean your hands? Or would you prefer grapes instead?
It is true that it takes longer for the child to form their opinion and come up with reasons and it would be quicker and easier if they would just comply! Opinion making, however, is an important skill to learn and, as children, and eventually as adults, conversations and discussions are more successful, and individuals are safer and more secure when they are able to stand up for themselves and their rights by sharing their clear and well supported opinions. They are less likely to be persuaded or overpowered by others who don’t have the best intentions if they can think about their opinion and form strong reasons for their point of view.
The sooner children can learn this skill the sooner we can feel more confident about their ability to connect with others in friendly conversations and also, protect themselves if it is necessary.
How can you help?
Often young people need help learning how to support or explain their views. Offering possible reasons for them to choose from or to spark more thought is a helpful way to start.
Let us suppose that the family has decided to go for a walk in the park.
“I don’t want to go for a walk in the park. Going to the park is boring!”
You used to like going to the park. Why is it boring now?” Let’s see if you can think of a clear reason so that I will understand. Perhaps one of these might be a reason.
It’s a long way to go and your legs are tired.
Or maybe the answer is you want to stay home and play on your tablet.
Or perhaps the reason is that there’s mosquitoes in the park and they always bite you and make you itchy. Do any of those reasons sound right or is there another one?
So now we have some reasoning behind the opinion and we can address those reasons, reach a compromise and a conclusion.
Perhaps you can follow this conversation with something like,
We won’t be gone long and we can stop and take a rest in the park.
Or We can play catch in the park or go looking for bugs
or something similar that sparks the child’s interest.
As for the mosquitoes,
I have some anti-itch cream
Or I have some mosquito repellent and that will keep the bugs away.
